Celeb Shoe Resolutions.

Hello 2007! A whole new year of shoes, fun, fashion, and resolutions. While I have no idea what celebs have resolved to do differently or better this year, I've cooked up a jolly little suggestion list for the ones who may need a little guidance. 

Pamela Anderson. I've never been a fan of her "style"...where "style" means porn star plastic with her wobbly bits hanging out. Woman, you've got kids and they and WE have seen enough of your junk. Stop. Please. Resolution: Act like a Lady.

I can help you, Pam and so can Betty Muller. These are perfect for your new demure, feminine style for 2007. Think about it, you could be the first to pull this off in a big way. Brit and Tara couldn't do it. I know you've got the resolve. I may think you're pretty much skanky, but I do have respect for the work you do with animals. These shoes are Patent Leather, so they're completely in line with your stand on animal products. There's a good heart and an upstanding lady in there somewhere. Let's bring her out...

Mariah Carey. Lawdy, this is a bad shot of you. I know you've got a curvy body and curves are totally hot. But you haven't been making the most of them lately. And we won't even go into the sordid details of the time you drew on some abs. There's a better, more natural, and less scorn-inducing way, you know. We've seen your closet. Slap on these super slick Adidas (you have TONS of shoes, but I didn't see ANY sneaks in your heavenly closet!) and run around that closet. Lots. Resolution: Get fit and get those bangin' curves back.

Mary Kate Olsen. Girl, you've been a hot mess for waaaaaay too long. Your resolution is clear and easy: Be more together. The rest of the world hasn't thought that scroungy was chic since the early 90's (grunge, etc.). It's much too early to try to bring it back. Mary Kate, meet Manolo Blahnik. I believe the two of you are already acquainted through your sister, who is nearly always oh-so-put-together.

These Manolo Mary Janes are perfect for you! They look so pretty and polished. So tidy. They say, "I've taken a shower today and now I'm ready to face the world."

Kate Moss. Kate, I've loved you for so long. I always imagined that some day you'd find a fair prince and live an almost perfect life. Pete is NOT fair or princely. He's the dirt and gum on the bottom of your shoe. Time for a NEW pair of shoes.

Resolution: Get rid of the toxic fiance. You need Dolce & Gabbana in the form of gorgeous camel colored boots. So you can KICK HIM TO THE CURB.

Ashlee Simpson. One look at this shot, and you know where I'm going with this. Resolution: Leave the plastic surgery alone and buy shoes instead!

  Start with these Louboutins. They're incredibly cute, love the color, and they're patent...which is kind of like plastic. Trust me, this is a much better substitute. You can pay with plastic, too! To recap, Plastic Credit Card = Fine. Plasticky Shoes = Fine. Plastic Face = Bad, Bad, Bad.